grandpa :)

i heard so much about him... my grandma always tells me how grandpa do this and how he does that... he sound like a really great grandfather to me....

but i never saw him.

this is like how i know God... i never saw Him but i know He is there no matter where i go... as for my grandpa i still got the chance to look at his photos and to know more about him... my grandma will tell me about him here and then to let me know he has been through a lot of struggles himself and all the mistakes that he had done from his past life... he died of stroke but the doctors could not scan that he had one and thats the reason why they could not save him..

at first i was quite angry with the hospital mistake for not knowing the cause of my grandpa's death but then again, i cannot blame them... maybe the technology is not that great yet and they are not able to do anything for him... my grandma say he looks strong even he got a stroke but because of his stubborness of not looking for a doctor and he does not want to take his medicine, thats why he went away early... if not, i will definitely got the chance to see him and to even talk to him... but God's plan... at least my chinese name is named by him....

i cannot see God, sometimes i also wonder whether He is there... but i learn to really quiet down myself and to just listen and i know He is telling me things that i need to know... i cannot be so stubborn anymore.... in no matter what situation i am in, sad or happy, He is there to continue to give me endless joy and love.... sometimes i can feel His presence and His protection... when i am in need He is the 1st one to be there in front of me to protect me.... eventhough i could not see Him... i trust Him... i love Him.... because He 1st love me even before i was born... same goes to my grandpa.. i trust him and i love him because he loves me at first even before i was born... i was still in my mother's stomach when he give me my name.... like how God knows me even when i was just a tiny little thing in my mum's stomach...

thank You Lord for such a wonderful grandfather that i have even though i never saw him... how his stories can make me learn so much from You... thank You for Your wonderful love that no one else can replace... :)

God's teaching.. :)

i am always amazed how God works in my life and on everyone else's life... He is always interested to teach and not give up on us even when sometimes i am just too stubborn to listen to His teaching...

today was just any other normal jogging i have... the same place, the same road that i always take... but i actually can choose shoule i use the long way or the short way.. the short way is easier for me to reach home and not much moutain to climb.. but i always choose the long way...

so i was going through the mountains, i always find it hard for me to climb them because i will loose my breath very easily and i cannot catch my breath in time everytime i run that place... it makes me realise that in life i have some many moutain that i need to climb.. everytime i finish climing one, another is just right in front... go through tough times then rest a while then tough times again... like it never stops... but i never say to myself you know amanda, you are super tired now, should have just choose the short road... it so much easier... but if i din go through that tough roads, i may not be motivated to go on with the running... it will be just another easy way out... i will try to find an easy way out to get out of trouble... but if i don go through that trouble, i may not grow and i may not learn and keep finding the easy way to get out of the mess...

as i was continue to climb more and more mountains in front, i get tired very easily... same goes to my life... i get tired very easily and sometime i just want everything to just stop and turn back the way i came from and just say i give up... but i tell myself, i already run so far why giving up now... so it makes me wanna finish the running even more because i will be going home feeling satisfy and i done a great job... so i just kept on running and din look back... it somehow teaches me to really run the race for Him... i mean i need to focus on Him in no matter what i do... because i know that to finish this race, is to be just focus on Him and everything does not matter anymore... everything that is trying to stop me does not matter anymore... i know that only He can satisfy me and can tell myself i done a great job..

as i finish climing all these mountains then all the way home it was smooth roads.. but even smooth roads does not mean i do not meet troubles... a car almost hit me... i know he was driving fast so i let it pass me but he break all of the sudden and speed on again... i got the shock.. i almost got hit by it... if who knows, maybe i was suppose to be dead by now... but i tell myself to be more careful next time when i see all these people driving around... be more aware of my surroundings... things may stop me from serving Him but as i say, i wanna continue to focus on Him, everything can be overcome... so i continue running on...

along the road i met nice people, bad people ar just plain weird people... but they do not stop me from continue running back home... i really just wanna finish the running because the weather is bringing me down a lil... i feel very dry and dehydrated but i just kept on going... along the road, i saw an old lady passing me by... she was like saying you look good love, continue on, you can do it... she was so sweet... God knows when to send the right person to march you on when we struggle... by just some encouragement, i feel more motivated to continue on because i know i am not far away from home... i just need some cheering thats all i need at that moment because i know i will be home soon and have a really good rest..

i am just amazed like i always run that road over and over again but this thought never come to mind but today it did... it shows that so many times God is trying to tell me this but i am just so stubborn to open my ears to listen then i just run for no reason... in every little thing i do, God is teaching me something but i need to open up to really listen what He wants to teach and wants me to learn... :) What a wonderful God i have in my life... :)

:)

shape of my heart

Baby, please try to forgive me
stay here, don't put out the glow
hold me now don't bother, if every minute it makes me weaker
you can save me from the (person) that i've become

looking back on the things i've done
i was trying to be someone
i played my part
kept you in the dark
now let me show you the shape of my heart

sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical
so help me, i can't win this war, oh no
touch me now don't bother
if every second it makes me weaker
you can save me from the (person) i've become

looking back on the things i've done
i was trying to be someone
i played my part
kept you in the dark
now let me show you the shape of my heart

i'm here with my confession
got nothing to hide no more
i don't know where to start
but to show you the shape of my heart

i'm looking back on things i've done
i never wanna play the same old part
or keep you in the dark
now let me show you the shape of my heart


:)

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha... finally i get to say this word out loud... waiting for it for ages... well, glad i went through it all.. ups and downs... He is there to give me strength and support.. thank You Daddy for being there for me... :)

i got over u..

was going to class today and my 1st song on my iPod was daughtry i got over you... i mean now i really just wanna get over someone so i find this song relevant and i really got over you...

well, i never saw it coming, i should have started running a long long time ago,
and i never thought i'd doubt you, i'm better off without you,
more than you, more than you know
i'm slowly getting closure, i guess it's really over, i'm finally getting better
and now i'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years
putting my heart back together
cause the day i thought i'd never get through
i got over you....

i am still slowly learning but i will... :)

tired of all nonsense...

better no more nonsense thing starting this week bec got tons to do and end of Oct is going to kill me if i don buckle up...... my nightmare will starts in 2 weeks time where all the main assignment is due and it is matter life or death.... i better be super careful of all i do now... :)

Lord be with me Lord... provide me the strength that i need to continue on Lord... without your strength i can't do anything Lord... without You i can't do anything Lord......

true or false.. well u decide...

i dunno whether i can trust some people or not right now... sometime its so hard to know whether they are telling the truth or just wanna play with ya... when i am finally fed up and ask straight front, then the truth will only come out... whats the matter with you... of all days you are telling me this now... you ( you know who you are) know better.... is always a heartache when i have to dig back the past and talk about it... you think is so easy don't you.... is my scolding from yesterday not enough and you just wanna fight.... is that what you really want... then you decide... if you still think that yesterday i am just playing with ya then go ahead.... i won't care so much anymore no matter what you say... you are just plain annoying... playing hard to get....

Lord, help me to forgive this person Lord... sometime is just hard for me to tolerate with someone like this and a lot of this always happens between me and that person... somehow i would rather have not know this person and pretent never exist in my life... it just hurts... Lord You know my weakness You know my pain.... Lord i just wanna commit all this into Your mighty hands... only You know what to do with this person.... whatever You want me to do, i will follow....

God is Great all the time...

you know somehow you just feel lost and nothing is going the way you want... well, to say the truth, nothing always go the way it should be because somehow God has something else for us to work with.. all of the suddenly you will just realise this is what God wants me to do but at the same time God wants me to choose as well for He always give us free will to choose... most of the time i feel like i always make the wrong decisions... too many wrong decisions it just make you wanna give up and just forget about it...

But thankfully, God will never ever give up on me... He is always there working in me just that i din notice it until it really hit me... God always wants me to be stronger each day, can make my own decisions....... but whenever a way goes wrong, i will start to say like why does all this always happen to me and not to anyone else... why me why me... but mum always tells me this...

I let go the need to know why, for He knows better than I do...

is actually a song where my sis share with me during the time in KL.... i am slowy learning to let go of knowing why all this thing happen but to just commit everything into His hands....... is so hard because deep down inside i am still wondering why all these happens... God help me to know that Lord You are in control of everything... everything in the world Lord... depend on You.... You are the only one that can give me strength Lord..

i also thank God for the people that He has provided me... people that i can really depend on and knows that they are the one that i can count on and talk to when i am down... thank You for all the brothers and sisters around me that is so encouraging...... they really are my best friend but no one can compare to You Lord.... You are always the one i can count on and i know You never fail... You are always there to listen when i needed someone to talk to... You will never leave me nor forsake me....

ThankYou Lord for giving me things that i don't deserve and all the love you have given me... nothing i can do to repay You but to do Your mighty works on earth and to reach out to those who really needs Your love... give me all the opportunities that i need Lord to reach out... especially those who are close to me but do not know You...

Use me Lord... Here I am, Send Me....

songs in my head...

there has been 2 songs stuck in my head lately.... i find the words is so true and the tune is catchy as well...

not ready to make nice - dixie chicks

Forgive sounds good, forget i'm not sure i could

they say time heals everything and i'm still waiting..

i find this line to be so true... i am still waiting for the time where i am fully healed but i just do not know when... only God knows i guess... its hard to forgive and forget somehow...

The last day on earth - Kate Miller

Is the last day on earth, in my dreams, in my dreams

Is the end of the world, and you come back to me

In my dreams

it still haunts me sometime when i dream about it.... it really does feel like the last day on earth to me when it happens... but life have to move on... i have to move on from all these ridiculous dreams and heartbreaks.... who knows, maybe something good is going to happen soon....

maybe one day it could be like this...

You hold me closer than i can never remember being love

I'm not afraid to sleep now, if we can stay like this sometime

God will give me peace so that i can have a good sleep... He is the only one that can give me peace in all these craziness and suffering i have.... Thank You Lord for being so faithful to me... help me continue to have a faithful walk with u Lord....

hmmm

someone ask me to keep it alive but i dunno what to write... :p

still busy...

hello guys... still busy with my work so no time to update anything.... i tried but maybe a long while more for the nest post... this 2 week will be the worst week bec need to finish so many things......... AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now thats all i have to say bec nothing much i can update... see ya guy...

rest......

yay.... study break.. cant wait to just the whole week but i do have work to catch up.... hopefully i can finish it in time... hehe....

i wanna eat sushi so badly nowadays... i am super craving for it... cant wait ti really go back to kl and eat cheap and nice sushi... my friends even pay for me... so sweet of them... hehe.... next time so going to treat them back... i hope i can... haha... my randomness is killing me as well.. i need productive work... before i go crazy...

seriously brain not working... better get off now... :)

sickeness.....

everyone is sick right now including me.... sorry for not uploading for some time because i don have the time and my goodness my cough has been killing me lately..... still coughing but not as bad as last week......

i am going to have tuition free week soon which is next week... cant wait to finish up my class tomorrow and rest properly..... haha... don really have the time to rest at all when it comes to school work and work..... tired is always in my mind that i cant get rid off and lazy has become my best friend.... man, have to kick this habit away....... Lord give me the strength that i need Lord... i know that i can depend on You.... for my God is mighty to save....

nothing much happen except my busy school work.... nothing much to update so din really bother to upload a new post.... hehe.... oh well, i tried but really nothing to say... so i am going to leave it like that for now... when i have more exciting thing to happen only i will post...

cheers....

my baptism!!!!!!!!!!!!

i did it!!!!!!!! i finally did it!!!!!!!!! haha..... happy happy me..... thanks everyone that is there to support me... so nice of you guys to be there...... hehe.... :)

me giving my sharing.... :)

me in the water...

me out of water... hehe.... :)

memorable day

18th of July will be my most memorable day... will talk about this more later on... :)

birthday, farewell and baptism...

wow.. a full pack weekend....

celebrated yi lin's 2st yesterday even though its not yesterday aahah....... well its a farewell for momo as well..... so its a great night....

in the afternoon i played basketball with colin and bernie at the vickery court.... haha.... it was totally random... suddenly bernie gave me a call and ask me whether i wanna play basketball.... oh well, its been a while since i play so might as well... its cold and fun all at the same time... :) later that night got ready for the dinner...... haha... everyone was there and yi ling din know we are celebrating for her as well bec we told her we are celebrating for momo..... hehe..... then it was cake time....

yi lin!!!!!!!!! :p

on sunday which is today was ben's and kafunda's baptism at subi church..... ahah... we got the front seats which is the good view of the baptism.... haha...

the middle is ben...

in the middle is kafunda...

cant wait for mine.... will be an exciting event for me and i will always remember that.. i may be having mine on the 18th of july which is this coming sat... cant wait cant wait CANT WAIT!!!!!!!!

making people feel better.....

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

i love this quote..... people may forget everything that we done but they never forget how we made them feel..... its important for us to make each other comfortable and making good friends... this is how a person really remember us and appreciate what we have done for them...

we may have lots of problem to face and go through a lot of sadness, but most important you have people beside you and really listen to you..... i will always remember everyone who have helped me on my tough times and my down side or meltdown.......... its hard to face it ourselves... its good to know there is someone that we can depend on....

most importantly, i have learned to depend on Him.... He is the best listener that i can have and a great helper.... He never leaves me nor forsake me.... He is the best...... well He also provide family and friends for us to depend on and know that they love us unconditionally as well.... just like He does........ hehe..... :)

random thoughts.........

hmmmmm........ was thinking about something yesterday night..... was thinking why am i wasting my time nagging to myself that i am useless and lonely..... everyone feels lonely sometimes.... just that maybe nowadays no one is around and just feel the loneliness somehow...... no one to talk to, no one to share feelings with, no one to go out with.... just no one, no one at all..... so do you guys think that i am just crazy bec i say to myself that i am lonely....... no somehow it does make sense.....

ok somehow i think i am making a fool of myself.... well, maybe there is a lot of people around and i just din pay enough attention to realise they are around....... i need people sometimes i admit that... but somehow they are no where to be found.... maybe this is the time where i really spend most of my time with the Lord.... i need my daily walk with Him again........

i become to sound crazy somehow.... is it me or everything around me made me feel miserable... i dunno..... haih... i confuse myself again.... this is no good at all..... I MISS MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!! maybe this is why i am acting strange lately...... hmmm...... but i know i have only a few more months to complete my sem2 and by that time my friend is here to visit and same goes to my grandma.... i am happy that she finally decide to come over and visit me....... hehe..... then i am going back to mal with her..... just cant wait.....

maybe its time for me to upload some photo....... haha...... but i am getting lazy on doing it and i rather type somehow..... haha..... so u guys just wait for it la..... i will upload.... one day...

love my life... for now....

i love my life a lot right now because i know back home a lot of people loves me and misses me and i miss them a lot too...... they are the most important people in my life... how can i live without them in my life... i really cannot imagine....

and of course i love all the people i got to know over here in perth as well.... they are sweetest people that i can ever know... how can i actually repay for everything that God has granted me and the love that He gave me... oh well, in conclusion i love everyone that is in my life.... no matter where am i or where you are just wanna let you guys know that i love you guys ya....

especially my family and my niece... cant wait to go back home and spend some time with my niece.... i missed her growing path so i wanna catch up with her.... he can speak and walk and run... she is so cute right now and she is growing so fast... hehe...

HEY YA!!!!!!!!!

hey guys...

have not been here for almost half of the year.... ahah.... well was busy with a lot of stuff including me going overseas to study so no time to blog at all plus i am using imited internet access...... so now its time to keep it alive again and telling everyone how am i been up too....

well, my half of the year has been great.... in a totally diff environment but i got to know the people here including the australian... haha.... but mostly i know is malaysian or singaporean but its good as well... great to have known them... plus my birthday is always super early but i am happy tat i can celebrate with some of my friends over here...... hehe....

wanted to go home in the middle of the year but the swine flu cases has been spreading around and it become serious... and my mum keep insisting tat i don go home at all.... but i miss home so much.... i miss my family and friends and plus a lot people from here went back home i feel more lonely somehow.... no one uderstands me until i catch up with a friend.... he has been very supportive and try his best to cheer me up everyday so i really appreciate it lots... he even just call me randomly and chat.... where else can i find a friend like tat... ;p

but he is no where near me but i know he is my very good friend..... we must hang out when we r back in kl some day.... haha..... cant wait.... i don feel like uploading anything for the blog but i realise it has been super dead and i have nothing better to do might as well update my blog for now on... :)

well, tats all from me now folks.... maybe next time i will blog more about my life in australia.... maybe next time it is more interesting... :p see ya guys...

love
amanda

studying in Perth.......

wow, so long i never blog le..... haha....... feel so bad la...... oh well.... the title says it all so u guys should know why i did not blog.... so much to do...... i have to stay back campus to finish up my studies and also all my assignment...... haha...... once i even stay in campus until 2 am to finish up my work and get home and sleep..... if i am at home i am sure that i will not finish it at all and just lay myself on the bed and sleep...... at least doing it in campus will help more because there is only a computer right in front of me so i could not do anything else except reading and also online...... haha......

it is fun studying here so far...... i enjoy it a lot...... make new friends, meet more different lecturers, go more to OCF meeting..... haha...... its fun to join OCF really....... to most people who do not know what is OCF is, it is a club called Overseas Christian Fellowship where all the different culturer people come together to worship the Lord and praying for each other....... and also different activities for us to join like captain ball and also badminton.... we have meeting every friday night so its good...... haha......... saturday we also have activities so we see how it goes la.... haha.....

oh well, thats all from me now..... better get off going and study...... haha......

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the atmosphere is not that exciting this year but then again, its been fun so far........ hahahah......... been tired as well....... physically and also mentally...........

I WAN MORE ANG PAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

leaving very soon...........
leaving on the 4th o february........ its so fast...... after chinese new year i am gone........ cannot celebrate my birthday in kl this year...... so sad....... and my birthday is on the monday......

just another manik monday....... wish it was sunday........

oh well, got to pack a lot of things and i dunno where to start........ maybe u guys wanna help out?
hahaha.......

studying..........

oh my goodness............

I AM ACCEPTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am going to australia soon......... and i mean very soon.........